I.....I don't know...
I really don't need to hear "Ok lang yan...wala yan..." or "OA ka lang..." coz yeah...OA lang ako and I am not yet into hearing out that Ok lang stuff...sorry for being cranky...
Life.. as I'd Like to put it is like a box of chocolate, you never know what you're gonna get. I am currently feeling so scared, for things that are uncertain and are way beyond my understanding. I am scared of changes but I know somehow I have coped up and am still coping up with it. But this, whatever it is...I don't think I can.I am scared of how my life would be, how the pages would turn out to be whether I'd be liking it or whether I'd be freaking out in a bad day about it. I am very very scared, I just don't feel like I have to or that maybe even think that I have to. I know I do tend to over re-act about things and be totally paranoid but something way deep inside me tells me I should be. I've had amoebiasis when I was in highschool and it had its pros somehow.From a 31 inch fat girl, it had made me achieve a 25 inch waistline. Then I had gastroentirits that lead to acute ulcer something. The effects that these ailments had on my body internally was obviously not good, but somehow I got used to them that it seemed normal. I started noticing that I am not "functioning" internally properly plus the fact that everywhere around me screams of colon cancer and it's symptoms that I started fearing of it, paranoid of how my body was functioning and fearing life as it is. At 22, I feel like I haven't done everything yet. I mean, I have wanted to do a whole lot of things and I am not even halfway. But the negative part of my brain tells me that what about those other kids shown on tv that are diagnosed of a more serious ailment. Have they lived their life? Someone told me that life is supposed to be live by quality over quantity, but right now, I am hoping to live life with more quality and quantity. I have been diagnosed of IBS which stands for Irritable Bowel Syndrome - constipation predominance. I would not go further with that since the name tells about it pretty much. I am to undergo a test called Barium enem theostical Ilium reflux or whatever the correct spelling and terms for it. It is a test that will insert a tube inside you to check your colon for damges, much more like colonoscopy. The result of this test would prove the IBS coreect or would give me a result something worse. I am scared of the test because I am no fan of injectsions or those other things that would be inserted inside you.And I am also scared of the results. I haven't figured out what's what yet... Someone also told me not to be scared. I can't help it and I don't know what else to do to not be scared. A prayer would definitely go along way but it would just divert the emotions for a while..anyone who has been in this place could testify to that. I guess I just have to live with fear for a whole week until the day of teh exam arrives. But until then, I will be scared and I know I'm strong or I guess I have to be strong I just needed to find my saving grace to help me pull things up...to get my act together....
Life.. as I'd Like to put it is like a box of chocolate, you never know what you're gonna get. I am currently feeling so scared, for things that are uncertain and are way beyond my understanding. I am scared of changes but I know somehow I have coped up and am still coping up with it. But this, whatever it is...I don't think I can.I am scared of how my life would be, how the pages would turn out to be whether I'd be liking it or whether I'd be freaking out in a bad day about it. I am very very scared, I just don't feel like I have to or that maybe even think that I have to. I know I do tend to over re-act about things and be totally paranoid but something way deep inside me tells me I should be. I've had amoebiasis when I was in highschool and it had its pros somehow.From a 31 inch fat girl, it had made me achieve a 25 inch waistline. Then I had gastroentirits that lead to acute ulcer something. The effects that these ailments had on my body internally was obviously not good, but somehow I got used to them that it seemed normal. I started noticing that I am not "functioning" internally properly plus the fact that everywhere around me screams of colon cancer and it's symptoms that I started fearing of it, paranoid of how my body was functioning and fearing life as it is. At 22, I feel like I haven't done everything yet. I mean, I have wanted to do a whole lot of things and I am not even halfway. But the negative part of my brain tells me that what about those other kids shown on tv that are diagnosed of a more serious ailment. Have they lived their life? Someone told me that life is supposed to be live by quality over quantity, but right now, I am hoping to live life with more quality and quantity. I have been diagnosed of IBS which stands for Irritable Bowel Syndrome - constipation predominance. I would not go further with that since the name tells about it pretty much. I am to undergo a test called Barium enem theostical Ilium reflux or whatever the correct spelling and terms for it. It is a test that will insert a tube inside you to check your colon for damges, much more like colonoscopy. The result of this test would prove the IBS coreect or would give me a result something worse. I am scared of the test because I am no fan of injectsions or those other things that would be inserted inside you.And I am also scared of the results. I haven't figured out what's what yet... Someone also told me not to be scared. I can't help it and I don't know what else to do to not be scared. A prayer would definitely go along way but it would just divert the emotions for a while..anyone who has been in this place could testify to that. I guess I just have to live with fear for a whole week until the day of teh exam arrives. But until then, I will be scared and I know I'm strong or I guess I have to be strong I just needed to find my saving grace to help me pull things up...to get my act together....
posted by ronskie at 8:30 PM
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