why can't i be fat and fab at the same time?

aaarrrrggghhhh!!!! i really hate this feeling. it's the feeling of waking up every damn morning just to feel fat and ugly. i have nothing against fat people because i, myself, am one...

"if you wanna look good, feel good; if you wanna feel good, look good"

yah! i sure damn as hell would want to feel good and still look good. i am at my average weight for my height but i look like a big blob of fat. i have always been hiding myself in my jacket so as i wouldn't see so much of me. i have refrainde from looking at my mirrors and whenever i have he need to do so i always end up being depress. i really hate this. it'll take time for me to probably be fit or slimmer.i have nothing to wear to make me feel good because what i have in my closet doesn't fit me.i go to work looking like i'm about to go to the market. maybe buying a nice piece of clothing wouldn't hurt but that feeling of looking good would only last a day and i'd end up miserable again the next day.

it's hard for me to be fat and fab at the same time. i just envy them. not caring so much as to how their frameworks are but how they look in the outside. they always exude this aura of confidence and sexiness even if they dont have the coca cola figure.

i need a total makeover...can somebody help me with this?

so the test was finally over and i had the results already. i just wasn't able to find time to blog everything.i feel so stressed at work plus the anticipation of the result did took its toll. i would really want to get away from it all and relax for a while, hopefully get back rejuvenated but i can't...at least not now...

so anyways, here's the result...
Findings:

Preliminary film does not show any abnormal findings.
Right hemiabdomen, focal calcific focus noted, fecalith (?).

Examination shows smooth retrograde flow of the barium from the rectum up to the proximal ascending colon and cecum with reflux of the dye into the terminal ileum.
Air contrast studies reveal a smooth mucosal pattern with no evident abnormalities noted.
No areas of narrowing polypoid lesions seen.

IMPRESSION: Normal Barium Enema with Air Contrast.

So basically, everything is normal based on the test, but I still feel like it's not ok. may be i'm just too paranoid, but hey, you can never be too sure right?

P.S.
The test really did hurt a lot as in...i cried before the exam starts, i cried during the process, i even cried after.... i'm such a whiner....