pixie forest

i am a hopeless romantic living in my own fairytale, day dreaming the whole day about fanatasies that can never ever be real. i have always dreamt of unicorns with wings and rainbows and fairies and castles and my one true night who'd make my "ever after" happy.whimsical fantasies have been my escape from reality when it has turned sour and bitter and cruel at me.It had been my fortress against pain and rejection. And now when I know that I have to wake up from this dream, I can't find my way out. No magical door or hole opened up for me to get out and face reality. I have always ran to it and now it's eating me, Crushing me into pieces. Maybe when all that's left of me are pieces the size of fairy dust...maybe only then would the north wind blow me back to reality...

I'm O..K..

I just have to remind myself that I am actually OK. I do breakdown every hour or so, I may look like I'm staring into nothingness at all times, I may have lost that spark in my eyes, but I sure am OK. I know I am. No matter how much I'd try to smile, I know I can't hide the fact that I am hurting and longing inside. It's a fact of life that we certainly have to deal it. I know I'll get over this soon enough. The spark may not return but I know I will be ok. Life has to go on. I guess I am that transparent that no matter how much I try to laugh it off or how big I smile, I still can't hide the fact that I am actually sad. You might be reading this, but it's not meant to make you feel guilty. I surely do miss you but I am happy that you're finally living your dreams. That's something I shouldn't be sad about. I just miss you a whole a damn lot. I know you feel the same way. Like I said, I am OK. I just don't feel like waking up early to go to work, or to dress up extra nicely, or to smile a lot, or talk a lot. But I sure am Ok . . .

............

a few more days and you'd be flying off to live your dreams. i am happy for you, really i am. a part of me just can't bear to be away from you. it was really hard thinking about it much more dealing with it. but i know i am stronger than this and you wouldn't want to see me like this. heck! i don't even wanna be seen crying, not by anyone else, especially not by you. i thought i was prepared for this, but i guess i'm not. my life seems to be slowing down its pace. i'll miss everything about you. i'll be counting the days till i see you home...i hope you won't take long...