Pag alaala

kaninang tanghalian ay tinanong ako ng aking ka-opisina kung ilan kaming magkakapatid,isinagot ko ang lagi kong sagot buhat ng kami'y mabawasan,"dating lima,apat na ngaun".sa maikling pamamaraan ay ikinuwento ko kung pano siya nauna at kinuha ng Diyos. sa tuwing maaalala ko ang bagay na yun, hindi ko maiwasang maramdaman ang sakit at galit dahil sa nangyaring iyon.

September 14,2000, nagbike ang kapatid ko sa kahabaan ng Ninoy Aquino Ave, papunta sa opisina ni mommy upang tumambay lang sa harap ng opisina na siyang kadalasan nyang ginagawa.sa kasamaang palad,nahagip ang kapatid ko ng isang rumaragasang kotse sa harap ng Olive's plaza.walang traffic sa side ng daan na un,ni walang sasakyan.Nagdrive siya na parang siya ang may-ari ng daan.Tuwing babalikan ko ang alaalang yun, hindi ko maiwasang mapaiyak sa galit at lungkot dahil hindi ko pa rin matanggap ang pagkamatay ng kapatid ko.Sa tuwing sasabihin ng iba na buti naman daw at binalikan yung kapatid ko, kumukulo ang dugo at parang ang sarap sabihin na "DAPAT LANG!".

Nung mga panahong nakikipagareglo ang pamilya ng nakabangga samin,sumama ako dahil akala ko kaya kong magsalita at idiin ang kasalanang ginawa ng anak nila.Pumunta kami sa Max sa may Quezon Circle at duon nag-dinner kasama ng mga abogado namin at ung tatay nung nakabangga.mahigpit ang hawak ko sa tinidor at kutsilyo habang sinasabi nung tatay na nakatulala lang ung anak nya kadalasan dahil sa nangyari.sa isip isip ko nagustong gusto kong sabihin,"aba! eh ipa-mental nyo yang anak nyo kung mag-aasta cya na parang walang nangyari". no matter how much the father tries to tell us that his son is also suffering, it would not amount to the pain and grief that my family has experienced and is still experiencing.Maliit ang mundo alam ko,pero sana hindi na magkrus ang mga landas namin kahit kailan.
Ang pagkawala ng kapatid ko ay nagdadala ng sobrang daming alaala na may samut-saring emosyon.Nung unang araw ng burol nya,hindi ko cya sinisilip sa kabaong nya.nakita ko ang kapatid kong si Nico sa chapel na umiiyak.nilapitan ko ang kapatid ko at tinanong kung bakit cya umiiyak, bigla nyang sinabi sakin na "Namimiss ko si Kuya R-Gie...",biglang tumulo ang luha ko dahil di ko akalain na manggagaling yung mga salitang yun sa kapatid ko.

Si R-Gie ang sumunod sakin.Apat na taon ang agwat namin dalawa at siya ang favorite ng mommy,daddy at lola ko.Siya ang pinakamatangkad, pinakamaputi at pinakagwapo saming magkakapatid(chempre di ako kasam dun kasi babae ako).Siya rin ang pinakamabait.Si R-Gie ang taga ayos at tagalinis ng kwarto namin,taga-ayos ng mga gamit ni mommy sa dresser nya,tiga-bantay ni igie boy pag gusto maglaro sa labas,bodyguard ko pag nagsisimba,tagaremind sakin na bumili ng sampaguita para sa altar,tiga-gising ko pag fushigi yuugi na,tiga kuha ko ng tsinelas pag pagod ako galing CAT,at tigalipit ng pinagkainan sa lamesa.Si R-gie ang aming Kuya at joker,dahil hindi ka matatawa sa kwento nya kung di sa tawa nya.

simula noon,wala nag masayang birthday,pasko at bagong taon.sa tingin ko hindi na mabubura ng panahon ang sakit at lungkot na dulot ng kanyang paglisan.masakit sa loob ang bawat pagbuklat ng album,ang pagbisita sa sementeryo at pagcelebrate ng birthday nya.If time heals all wounds, ours is an exception.

the conyoh in me...

Ive read an artik in peyups.com and it was all about how girls from exclusive schools are labeled at such a way that they are no ordinary human being. It is quite unfair how the society generalize us such traits on individuals and wouldn't even take the time to know the person better.
I confess that i spent my highchool in an exclusive school but you wouldn't hear us saying "Lets make tusok the fishball" or "Mama, can you make para there on the side" (hehe!its reall kinda funny hearing that) But these girls aren't just all that kikay and arte facade, if you take time to know them, you might like them for their personality.

I admit that i have judged a couple of people by the way they talk and have jokingly told my friends that they are conyo just because of the school they come from. The article made me look back that i am one of those and it isn't really nice to be labeled and judged as such.(shame on me!)

I hated the fact that people would see you as what they think of those girls.For example, my boyfriend and I had a discussion about flirting with other guys even if you are in a relationship.I answered him truthfully that i am not the type of person who would do such a thing.He then tells me,"Bakit cla *toot*,diba galing ka din sa all girls school?"eh di naginit ang ulo ko at sinabi ko sa kanya,"It's not because galing ako sa ganun school ibig sabihin ganun na ko?"(see what i mean by taglish)mas madali magexpress in taglish.And the comparison never ends there.
Back in College, people isolates us in our block just because feeling nila nagpapakasobrang BIBO kami sa English. It's not our fault that we were taught better English than them.(hehe!yabang!)Per di nga, everytime we recite in English, they would look at us as if we came from outer space.Masama bang malaman kung ano ang correct pronounciation ng "reservoir" at "renessaince"? >:P

eniwez, it's kinda funny looking back at those times when we judge,we where judges

dilemma...

i am pissed. i should have completed my requirements even vefore i signed up for work. now, im having a hard time figuring out how to go to a place and get something.i am not that independent and i know i should be because i wouldnt survive long enough in this world if am not.
i am having problems in going to places which i haven't been before or places which are too crowded and is known for "evil forces". i am asked to get an NBI clearance because it is a part of the company policy that every employee should have one.My problem with it is that new applicants have to go to Sta.Cruz to apply for a clearance.Ang layo nun sobra!Ang gulo pa kasi nga nasa gilid ng Quiapo.haay buhay nga naman!bakit di ko kasi kinulit si Mike nun na kunin na namin.

I can ask my friends to go with me but it would too much of a trouble for them, simply because all of them have work or more important responsibilities to attend to.I tried asking JM this morning to go with me but i forgot that he is in Puerto Galera and there's no chance he could go with me.Last resort would be asking him, in which i really dont want to if i can prevent it. Simply because i feel like if i do i'd be giving him false hopes in which i am not.Second it would not be morally right for me.It would be very unfair for Mike. Things I considered him because i know he would really make time to accompany me.In fairness to him, he really was there when i needed someone to pick me up at a place or go with me for errands.but then again i should not.i know i shouldn't....just a thought....

I can go alone but the probability of me getiing mugged is a good 70% yeas and 30% no.mukha pa naman din akong tatanga-tanga! plus, i've been around that place (with armi ofcourse) and i've seen a couple of people,like those lurking infront DFA, ready to approach and "harass" applicants in to buying their items and "assist" them with their application. medyo nakakatulong naman sila ang kaso kadalasan nakakapikon na kasi sobrang pakialamero as if sobrang tanga mo sa balak mong gawin.....haay naku....

just sharing my moments dilemma......

a very late xmas

kaninang umaga habang binabagtas ng shutttle ang sucat ay napatingin ako sa SM.strange pero makalipas ang halos isang buwan ay tsaka ko lang talaga na-appreciate ang xmas lights at decorations na hanggang ngayon ay nakasabit pa rin sa harapan ng mall.Nakapagtataka pero parang ang sarap ng feeling na kahit isang minuto ay naramdaman ko ang diwa ng pasko.(kahit hindi na pasko)
Noon ang pasko ay panahon kung saan masaya lahat ng tao kahit mahirap ang buhay.Lahat ng tao ay nagbibigayan ng mga regalo at Christmas party sa kung saan saan.pero ngayong pasko parang hindi ko naramdaman ni isa sa mga yon. Nagsimbang gabi ako sa hangarain na magkatrabaho na ako at pabigat na ko sa nanay ko.sa awa naman ng Diyos ay dininig niya ang panalangin ko.Namili at namigay din ako ng mga regalo...hoping na may magbibigay din in return.pero chempre ok lang din kahit wala.masarap lang tlga ang feeling ng nakakareceive.pero sa lahat ng xmas traditions na ginawa ko...wala pa rin ang pasko sa puso ko.

siguro nga pang-maliliit na bata lang ang pasko....

It's pcit all over again

ever felt that no matter how much you try to fit in you still can't?
it feels like you're nothing worth while of anyon'es time.
I know i look like a snob but hey, i don't bite.
it's hard trying to fit in a group. i really do envy those who does not need any effort to be friends with others.

It's just sad...i just don't like the feeling of being left out. i don't handle that too well.
Feeling ko lang kasi parang napaka-professional ng lahat ng tao pag ako na kaharap pero sa ibang kasabay ko parang kabarkada na nila.bakit? parang...wala lang...
hindi naman ako sobrang suplada...syempre gusto mo rin naman na maging friend ung mga tao sa office diba..kasi ka-team mo yung mga yun e..wala lang ...feel ko lang aloof sila sakin...ang lungkot lang...kung pwede lang d magtrabaho eh...kaso hindi ako si donald trump...
share ko lang....d mo naman babasahin blog ko kung di kita friend eh...:'(

first blog of the year

whew! naka blog din ulit...nagrereklamo kasi si enri, ala daw mabasa sa blog ko..
hmmm... d na me professional bum...wahahaha..pwera usog.baka one week lang ang itagal ko dito...so far so good. the working environment is loose unlike the one's i've been in before. the only problem is...and DAMING IPIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
as in.. you'lll them on vacant chairs, and on your tables...the creepy thing about it is that when I took off all my stuff from my paper bag last monday when i got home...i saw one creep out of the bag...eeewwwwwwww!
The only good thing though is that they are not flying(....yet).and they're not the usual ipis you see at home..sabi nga nila social daw ung ipis dito..stateside..wahehehe...

work mode na ulit....